Choosing to be YOU

There comes a time in every life where one must choose to be their own person. I have been struggling with this recently, as I am not entirely sure who my own person is. For years and years I have been defining myself as nothing but a loser, and worthless, and stupid, and eventually, an addict. After I went through the 12 step program and finally began to search for recovery, I learned to define myself as A Daughter of God, which was amazing for me. Yet, the lies of Satan continue to play out in my mind, and I still struggle with what being a daughter of God truly means.  Lately, I have been using those lies to define myself once again, as I am trying to discover my authentic self.

One of the biggest tools Satan uses with me is discouragement. Because I have a hard time seeing the positive things that make up me, Satan is more able to blow the negative things out of proportion, and thus I begin to believe my old defining words; failure, stupid, idiot, addict, and worthless. Eventually all these words push out the fact that I am a daughter of God, Divine in nature, bright, intelligent, and worth His very life.

While I may not always be successful, and while I very definitely make lots of stupid decisions and mistakes, the truth of the matter is that because I was created as a daughter of God, I have an amazing potential that I have not yet discovered, and this life is a test meant for me to become the person Heavenly Father created me to be. I cannot face Satan's lies on my own, nor can I dispel them without a greater, positive outlook on my life, and in turning to my Heavenly Father, He allows me that outlook, and the strength to dispel that which Satan strives for me to believe.

I guess what I am trying to say is that I am tired of defining myself in negative ways, and with the help of my Father in Heaven, I know that those negative things can be changed to positive, healthy ways of defining myself and who I am. As a daughter of my loving Father in Heaven, I have the ability to let Him direct and guide my life through His Divine Influence. Thus, I am going to try ever harder to live to be worthy of that gift, and strive to allow His hand in my life in everything I say and do. Though I know I really suck at commitments, I know that even that fault can become a strength in Him. Today I am grateful to know I have that precious gift, and a Father and Brother in Heaven who love and care for me enough that they allow me to struggle in life, giving me opportunities to turn to Them to strengthen my faith and my testimony.