Monday, July 27, 2015

'It's Okay'. On Doubts and Insecurities

Today I learned an important lesson. Or, yesterday I guess, since it's Monday now and no longer Sunday. I was talking with a friend, and the conversation took a spiritual turn. We began talking about being insecure and having doubts about ourselves and life in general. My friend was telling me about how scary it is to worry about doing or saying the wrong thing, and I realized that's exactly why I have been hesitant to make connections with the people who are placed in my life lately. As an addict, I have always struggled with healthy connections to other people, especially the 'normal' people out there. I am always worrying more about messing up than I am about how I can help others. It's true that I am not much help if I am not strong myself, but it's the second guessing the strength of my testimony that causes me to be weak in areas of truth.

I have always felt that I need to have all the answers to be able to have a strong testimony. The reality, though, is that the only persons with all the answers are our Heavenly Father, His son Jesus Christ, and the Holy Ghost. I will never have all the answers in thbbc.co kis earthly life. You know what though? That's ok, guys. We weren't placed on this earth to have all the answers. The purpose for this period of our lives is to seek the good and truth, to gain knowledge and a body so that we can learn to be like our Father in Heaven. Seeking the answers to our questions is what brings us closer to Him.

So it's okay to have doubts and questions. It is this that allows our relationship with our Heavenly Parents and our brother to flourish. This is what allows us to be humble and turn to Them as we use the gift of the Atonement to make up for what we cannot do alone. It's okay to sometimes be afraid out of our wits. We are only to do our best and He will make up the difference.

Saturday, July 25, 2015

Choosing to be YOU

There comes a time in every life where one must choose to be their own person. I have been struggling with this recently, as I am not entirely sure who my own person is. For years and years I have been defining myself as nothing but a loser, and worthless, and stupid, and eventually, an addict. After I went through the 12 step program and finally began to search for recovery, I learned to define myself as A Daughter of God, which was amazing for me. Yet, the lies of Satan continue to play out in my mind, and I still struggle with what being a daughter of God truly means.  Lately, I have been using those lies to define myself once again, as I am trying to discover my authentic self.

One of the biggest tools Satan uses with me is discouragement. Because I have a hard time seeing the positive things that make up me, Satan is more able to blow the negative things out of proportion, and thus I begin to believe my old defining words; failure, stupid, idiot, addict, and worthless. Eventually all these words push out the fact that I am a daughter of God, Divine in nature, bright, intelligent, and worth His very life.

While I may not always be successful, and while I very definitely make lots of stupid decisions and mistakes, the truth of the matter is that because I was created as a daughter of God, I have an amazing potential that I have not yet discovered, and this life is a test meant for me to become the person Heavenly Father created me to be. I cannot face Satan's lies on my own, nor can I dispel them without a greater, positive outlook on my life, and in turning to my Heavenly Father, He allows me that outlook, and the strength to dispel that which Satan strives for me to believe.

I guess what I am trying to say is that I am tired of defining myself in negative ways, and with the help of my Father in Heaven, I know that those negative things can be changed to positive, healthy ways of defining myself and who I am. As a daughter of my loving Father in Heaven, I have the ability to let Him direct and guide my life through His Divine Influence. Thus, I am going to try ever harder to live to be worthy of that gift, and strive to allow His hand in my life in everything I say and do. Though I know I really suck at commitments, I know that even that fault can become a strength in Him. Today I am grateful to know I have that precious gift, and a Father and Brother in Heaven who love and care for me enough that they allow me to struggle in life, giving me opportunities to turn to Them to strengthen my faith and my testimony.